


Life of a Ghoul

by kyanitedragon



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Cannibalism, Canon events with some changes, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Full ghoul Kaneki, Hide is still just as accepting as in canon, Kaneki and Touka are best friends and have been friends for years, M/M, Plot divergence after Aogiri Raid, number of chapters might change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-14 19:14:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13596588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyanitedragon/pseuds/kyanitedragon
Summary: DISCONTINUEDKen Kaneki is a natural-born full ghoul, trying his best to live morally. Hideyoshi Nagachika has been his best friend since childhood, as well as Touka Kirishima since he was a teenager. After a strange hunt ends with him injured, Kaneki's life gradually goes from bad to worse. Kaneki's life previously hadn't been an easy one, but only now is he realizing just how messed up this world is.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki's personality is my interpretation of him from the official oneshot manga. I feel like people mischaracterize him a lot as a heartless killer. He did say he "felt like shit" every time he hunted. Touka and everyone else will be very similar to their canon personalities.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

“I saw you watching me…” Rize whispered, slowly coming closer to Kaneki.

The words she said left him a little worried. She couldn’t have noticed that he was a…? No, no. Why would she? His human act was fine on their date. She couldn't have known. He was okay. He was safe.

“Honestly, I was watching you too…” She continued, bringing her arms around him and hugging him. Her tone was full of love. He could smell her sweet perfume and her shampoo. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. Had Kaneki actually been wrong about her? 

He had gotten a strange feeling about her for weeks now, and even more so when she began to eye his best friend. When she passed him in Anteiku on one of his days off, he had taken the chance to ask her out on a date. He wanted to make sure his bad feeling about her was right, and if it was, he would consider making her his next meal. He only hunted people he considered bad and if had a reason to prove it. He preferred the meat of young women, but unfortunately for him most of his targets ended up older men or investigators. Okay, so he might have jumped a  _little_ too fast on the chance to eat this girl. But he made sure to give her the same chance that he gave everyone else. He regretted suspecting her now that he had spent the evening with her. Their date had gone really well. They had so much in common! He couldn’t kill her, as beautiful and delicious as she looked.

Kaneki licked his lips impatiently as the beautiful woman clung to him. Was she going to kiss him? Invite him inside her home? This was his first real date! How did he get this lucky?! He was so happy! 

And then… she bit him.

He felt her tearing off his flesh, and he jerked away in pain.

“You’re a…?!” He gasped out.

She gagged and spat out the bite she had taken.

“Disgusting! I can’t believe you’re a ghoul!” She yelled. She seemed furious she had been fooled. Her kakugan were activated and blazing. "Hold on!" She started laughing. "You thought  _I_  was human?"

Kaneki started blushing. He felt like an idiot. It wasn’t his fault he had a bad sense of smell! Besides, she wore a ton of perfume! Who could tell?!

“ _You_  thought I was human!” He shot back.

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, because you smell like a human. Must be the scent of that tasty-looking guy you were with earlier.” She licked her lips.

“Stay away from Hide.” Kaneki warned. So his instincts had been right about her after all! 

“I’m not too happy about you ruining my dinner plans…” She drawled. So she wanted to fight? Kaneki was up for that.

“You must be new around here…” Kaneki said as he began to stretch. “Just so you know, I'm not too fond of ghouls like you.”

“And I'm not too fond of ghouls like you that kiss up to humans.”

They both released their kagune at the same time.

“So we’re both Rinkaku, huh?” Rize asked, cocking her head to the side.

“I guess we are. It’ll be an interesting fight.”  
  
They were an even match, and their battle probably would have resulted in both of their deaths had those steel beams not fallen at the right moment and crushed Rize. The loud noise had gotten the attention of humans, who began to peek out of their apartments’ windows, and Kaneki made his get-away. Finding out why those beams had suddenly fallen wasn't as important as him getting away without being noticed by humans. He was pretty heavily injured, but he'd survive.

It had been a day or two since then, and Kaneki had been lucky that he got to miss school and let himself heal on the excuse that he was mourning his date’s sudden death.

Kaneki had also gotten lucky that no one found evidence he was there when the incident happened. No one suspected anything and his life was back to normal. Anteiku hadn't even gotten on his case yet about not cleaning up the mess of Rize’s body.

Once he was back at school, a few people said they were sad for Kaneki’s loss, but no one had heard of Rize before so the news blew over quickly. Hide didn’t mention anything about it, probably worried that he would make Kaneki cry if he did. But that all worked out just fine for Kaneki. He felt nothing for her. He never even liked her in the first place. Sure, there was that moment when he was tricked by her acting and thought that she would make a great human girlfriend for him, but that was before she revealed her true nature and personality. The real Rize he had nothing but hatred for. 

But despite all that luck, there was still a pretty big problem for Kaneki. His hunger.

Kaneki trudged through the empty streets late that evening. He was hungry, but he didn't want to risk bringing attention to himself by hunting again. He had a very close call the previous month with the Doves. He and Touka had barely gotten out of it. And his fight with Rize got him seriously wounded and he was still recovering. Anteiku was also out of its usual stock of food. He could hunt and get food himself, but he hadn’t seen any targets lately. Kaneki wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t want to hurt anyone innocent.

Throughout the rest of the week he felt his control slowly slipping away.

Although he had been in ghoul fights before, they were more of scuffles. This fight with Rize had been intense. He nearly died. They nearly killed each other. Kaneki wasn’t healing as fast as he thought he would have. He could walk around fine and go about his normal “human” life without causing suspicion, but his wounds were still healing because he hadn’t eaten in a while.

All he knew was he was starving, and he had to figure out what to do before he lost his rationality from hunger.

A scent hit his nose, and he took the opportunity and ran toward it. He didn't even notice the drool dripping down his chin. He was so hungry, this might be his only chance at getting food!

His nose led him to an alley with a feeding ghoul.

“Oh, you’re a ghoul too… I thought you were a Dove for a second…” The ghoul sighed in relief before going back to eating. He seemed familiar; Kaneki was sure he’d seen him around but he couldn’t remember his name.

Kaneki’s stomach growled, and he fell to his knees. He was a lot weaker than he thought he was.

“Hey, d’ya think you could spare some of your kill?” He asked. Worth a shot, at least. Most ghouls around here were nice. 

The ghoul eyed his current condition, pity and understanding on his face.

“Yeah. Sure, man.” The ghoul ripped off a piece of meat, and held it out.

Kaneki’s mouth watered again and all he could focus on was the meat in front of him as he crawled forward. Suddenly the ghoul’s head was flying past him, and ghoul blood flew onto his face.

“Don’t hunt on my feeding grounds.” Another ghoul declared in a growl, standing over the two corpses.

Kaneki had never seen this ghoul before. He hated how fear pooled in his stomach. Any other day he could defend himself perfectly fine. But he couldn’t activate his kagune now. He was at this ghoul’s pity. He was dead for sure.

“Ah, another one.” The ghoul grabbed him in a choke-hold and slammed him against the alley wall. He didn’t even have the strength to dodge.

“I didn’t hunt here. I was just hungry and passing through. You know how it is!” Kaneki tried.

“Don’t make excuses. The point is you’re trespassing.”

Right. The 20th ward’s ghouls had divided the area into different hunting grounds. This area wasn’t his. And it apparently hadn’t belonged to that hunting ghoul either. It belonged to this ghoul in front of him and threatening him. 

“Except this isn’t your territory.” A familiar voice rang from above.

“Touka…” The ghoul holding him groaned, slowly releasing his fingers from around Kaneki's neck.

Kaneki was equally thankful and annoyed. He was glad Touka would make sure he lived to see another day, but annoyed that he wasn’t able to save himself. Well, it couldn’t be helped. He would just need to return the favor one day.

“Rize is dead, and she stole these grounds from me, so that means they’re mine again.”

Kaneki just sat and watched as Touka gave him the Anteiku spiel. They argued and fought. Touka won. And the ghoul — Nishiki as Touka called him — ran off to go lick his wounds.

“What, not even going to take your corpses with you? Ugh!” Touka yelled at Nishiki as he ran off. Then she turned to Kaneki. “Well, you’re a mess.”

Kaneki looked away. “Yeah, yeah…” Was she gonna yell at him for being stupid?

Instead, she ripped an arm off the human corpse and handed it to him. Her face looked very understanding and kind. Kaneki hadn’t seen Touka with that kind of soft, motherly expression toward him in a while. It reminded him of how they had met. “Hungry?”

“…Thanks.” Kaneki muttered awkwardly.  

Once he had his share, Anteiku divided up the rest and worked on distributing it to the other ghouls. It was gone quickly, and Kaneki had to go hungry for more days. 

This month really wasn’t going well for him…

\---

_“Sorry, I gotta get a disc from Nishio-senpai. It’ll be quick, I promise! Wanna come with?”_

_Kaneki had shrugged in response. “Sure.”_

When he had originally agreed, he had  _never_  expected to be in this situation.

“I don’t like when people trespass on my territory.”

It was the first thing he heard when he stepped into his and Hide's senpai's room.

Kaneki had froze once he heard it.  _That voice. No. It couldn’t be._  Kaneki knew the ghouls that went to Kamii. He had never seen Nishiki before.  _There’s no way he goes here too!_

Kaneki took a few steps so he could see around Hide, and sure enough that was the ghoul from a few nights ago. Nishiki saw Kaneki too and smirked, and Kaneki faked a smile.

_This isn’t going to end well…_

\---

“Oh wait. I remember now. I brought it home.”

“Huh??? Home???” 

Kaneki narrowed his eyes. That was probably a lie. What was Nishiki playing at…?

“Yeah, but it’s not too far. You can come with and I’ll give it to you.”

“Okay. Sorry, Kaneki, this’ll take longer than I thought. I’ll see you later.”

“Nah, it’s no problem! Is it okay if I come too, Nishio-senpai?” Kaneki asked, playing up his innocent human voice. 

\---

Kaneki trailed behind Hide and Nishiki as the three of them snacked on Taiyaki.

He was beginning to hate Nishiki more and more. Making him choke down that awful food. Nishiki made sure to mention how good it tasted, and Kaneki desperately played along. He was jealous. Nishiki had blended perfectly into human society, and Kaneki still struggled with a few aspects of it. Mostly the food part. His sense of taste must make up for his bad sense of smell…

Kaneki glared at Nishiki’s back as they walked. As strange as it sounded, Kaneki had Hide for protection. Nishiki wouldn’t risk doing anything so long as a human was around. Nishiki might be an annoying jerk, but he wasn’t an idiot. 

Kaneki had his guard up anyway. He couldn’t trust Nishiki. He was sure Nishiki was going to try something once he got Kaneki alone.

Nishiki suddenly twirled around, and Kaneki tensed up, ready for a fight. Instead, Nishiki kicked Hide, and Kaneki’s best friend was sent flying into an alley.

“Hide!” Kaneki gasped. He couldn’t believe what Nishiki just did! If he was at Kamii, wasn’t he just like him and Touka? Didn’t he have human friends too? He saw Nishiki had a human girlfriend just a little ago. Shouldn’t their human friends be off-limits? Didn’t he  _care_?

Nishiki grabbed Kaneki by the throat again and held him against a wall. Okay, he really should have seen that coming… 

Nishiki punched him — hard — and Kaneki could feel Nishiki’s fist had gone through his body and was now in his gut. Nishiki had impaled him on the opposite side of his abdomen as Rize had. His wounds from Rize hadn’t fully healed yet. Kaneki coughed up blood, a little disappointed he missed spitting it on Nishiki’s face.

Nishiki pulled his fist out with a satisfied expression. “Haha! So you really  _do_  have muscle under those layers of clothes! I had to punch really hard for that!”

Kaneki slid against the wall to the ground, taking in deep breaths, and blood pooled around him. He wasn’t going to heal quickly, he knew it. He felt weak.  _Don’t pass out! Don’t pass out! You’re stronger than this!_

“Hide’s a pretty interesting choice for prey...” Nishiki commented as he walked closer to Hide’s body. “I’ve seen him around a lot. He’s good at reading people. A pretty risky choice, if you ask me. You’ve been friends for a while, huh? He talks about you a lot. It’s kind of sweet. So~! When were you planning on eating him?”

“Hide’s…” Kaneki choked out, more blood dripping from his mouth. “not… food.”

“Huh? I couldn’t hear you!” Nishiki started stomping on Hide’s head repeatedly, and all Kaneki could do was make a fist. He was so weak. He wasn’t sure if he could save Hide before Nishiki did too much damage. Hide was completely innocent. Humans were so frail compared to them. Nishiki was going to kill him.

Nishiki kept blabbering on about ghouls; the awful ghouls that preyed on innocent humans and took pride in it, and Kaneki felt his blood boiling from rage. How dare Nishiki compare him to them?! Nishiki had to have known he was a ghoul that cared about humans. He was only doing this to annoy him, and it was working, which just angered Kaneki further.

“I don’t want…” Kaneki could feel his rage empowering him, and he knew it was his only chance so he let it. “Hide to die!!!”

He was furious. He wanted Nishiki to die! He hated ghouls just like Nishiki! Ghouls who didn’t care about humans. Who killed and took pleasure in killing.

Nishiki deserved to die!

Yelling in anger, he stabbed through Nishiki with his kagune. And he did it again and again and again.

“Stop! You’ll kill me! I’m dying! I’m dying! I’m dying!” Nishiki yelled back, but Kaneki didn’t let up.

Finally he decided Nishiki had enough, and Kaneki swung and threw his body aside. Nishiki didn’t get up. He might not be dead yet, but Kaneki knew with those wounds there was a good chance he wouldn’t survive.

Part of him wanted to end Nishiki once and for all, but he was too weak. Kaneki collapsed to his knees. He couldn’t get his body to move. He had been hungry and weak to begin with, and using his kagune and fighting had just taken all the little energy and power he had. He shouldn’t have even been able to release his kagune. It required a lot of energy and RC Cells. Kaneki’s impressed it happened. He just wanted to save Hide and it came out. He’s glad it did. He and Hide might not be alive otherwise.

Kaneki heaved in breaths. He could see blood dripping from his stab wound. His head was spinning and pounding. He needed to get his strength back. He needed food. Meat.

He breathed heavily to catch his breath back, and smelled sweet blood.  _Food!_  His nose led him once again and he dragged his body over to Hide’s unconscious, bloody body.

“No…” Kaneki whispered. “I… I can’t!” He had just saved Hide from Nishiki, he couldn’t kill Hide himself! His stomach growled, and Kaneki groaned. It was so painful. He felt like he was dying. “But I… I need to… or I’ll…”

_Or I’ll die._

_…It hurts._

He was directly over Hide’s body now. As much as he wanted to, he knew he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. His rationality was slipping away.

_Maybe just a bite…_

Kaneki swallowed a mouthful of saliva.

 _No! I won't be able to hold back!_ His rational side said.

 _Just a bite. Blame it on Nishiki._ His hunger demanded.

He couldn’t see Hide as his friend anymore, all he could think was food. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see his friend that way.

Someone dropped down on the opposite side of Hide with a loud tap, and Kaneki opened his eyes and looked up to see Touka there.

“Touka-chan…” Kaneki gasped. “Please, stop me…”

He was glad she was here. Touka cared about her own human friend just as much as Kaneki cared about Hide. Certainly she could stop him and save Hide.

“Don’t worry, I will.” She threw her coat off and smirked. “I’m going to enjoy this.”

\---

Kaneki slowly came to again, and tasted blood in his mouth. It wasn't his own or another ghoul’s. It was human blood. 

Kaneki jumped up and put a hand in his mouth and looked at his fingers to make sure it was real and not just a dream or his imagination.

_I couldn’t have eaten Hide, could I? Why can’t I remember?_

Before panic and guilt could overtake him, a door opened and Kaneki looked to see the Manager there. Kaneki realized he was in the upstairs apartment of Anteiku. Touka must have brought him here.

“Hide! My friend…! Tell me I didn’t…!”

Yoshimura shook his head. “You didn’t. Touka-chan stopped you, and lucky for you Yomo-kun has succeeded in finding food today. We fed you.”

“Thanks…” Kaneki breathed. He never had a close call like that before. What would he have done if he had hurt Hide? “What happened to my friend?”

Yoshimura gestured for him to follow, and Kaneki jumped up and did. He had his strength back now that he had eaten. All his wounds were healed, although his shirt was bloodied and had two holes in it: one from Nishiki punching through him and the other from where his kagune came from.

Yoshimura led him into the next room, and Hide was there bandaged and resting.

Kaneki fell to his knees, and he started crying. He couldn’t help it.

“Thank goodness…” Kaneki said breathlessly. “You’re safe…” He composed himself, and turned to look at Yoshimura. “Thanks for taking care of him.”

Yoshimura gave a bow with his head. “Of course. Yomo-kun found a new area to scavenge. With our food stock back, I assume you will be returning back to work?”

“Yeah. I’ll start again tomorrow if that’s okay?”

Yoshimura nodded. “That sounds fine. Touka-chan and I have already come up with a decent lie, and she’ll take care of him once he wakes up. Leave when you’re ready. I’ll leave you two alone…”

Yoshimura left the room and closed the door, and Kaneki sat on the bed and looked down at his friend. He wanted to gently brush Hide’s hair aside with his fingers, but decided against it.

“I’m sorry… I wasn’t strong enough… This won’t happen again… I promise.” He took a deep breath, and then left the room.

\---

Anteiku was now back to having a consistent stock of food, and Kaneki’s wounds all finally healed. Two ghouls friends of theirs came to stay nearby Anteiku. It was a mother and her daughter. She had just lost her husband, and Anteiku promised to provide for them for a while and help them get their lives back together. It’s what Anteiku was created for. To support ghouls who didn’t want to kill to survive and were against it. That’s how Kaneki ended up working there.

It had been almost a week since Kaneki’s fight with Nishiki. Kaneki was headed back to his home after his shift at Anteiku when he heard Hinami yelling.

“Onii-chan! Onii-chan!”

She was running, crashing into people with tears and rain streaming down her face.

“Hinami-chan! What’s wrong? Where’s Ryoko-san?” Kaneki asked, bending down to her level while covering them both with his own umbrella.

“Mom…! Mom is…!”

“Bring me there!” He gave her the umbrella, took her hand, and pulled out his phone with his other hand.

He tried dialing Yoshimura, but he didn't pick up. Then he tried Touka. It didn’t go through. He remembered she was studying so her phone must have been off. He didn’t have Yomo’s number, or Irimi’s or Koma’s. Anteiku was closed now so none of them would be there to answer that number either. All Kaneki could do was keep dialing Yoshimura and occasionally Touka and hope and pray that one of them would pick up.

Eventually Hinami slowed down, and before she could run down an alley, Kaneki got whiff of ghoul blood and investigators, and pulled her back behind him. He peeked around the alleyway, to see Ryoko beaten and bloody and surrounded by four investigators.

Kaneki tried pushing Hinami back so she wouldn't be able to see, but she fought against him. She wanted to see her mother. She had a good nose, surely she had smelled the blood just as he had.

_What should I do? What should I do?_

It had taken him and Touka both to take down  _one_  investigator. Even if his wounds had healed and he had his strength back, he couldn’t take on four of them and win! He wanted to chance it and risk it, for Ryoko-san. But Hinami-chan… If he fought… He worried about one of them getting to her.

“Hinami-chan, I need you to run!” Kaneki whispered.

“No! I don’t want to! Mom!”

Kaneki peeked around the alley again. Should he chance it? Should he fight???

The head investigator pulled out his quinque.

“My husband…?” Ryoko asked.

Kaneki gasped at the cruelty. He was furious. He understood why investigators killed ghouls. There were certainly a lot of awful ghouls out there. But the Doves often targeted innocent ghouls without investigating them properly. And they killed them cruelly, as was apparent to Kaneki now. The man knew exactly what he was doing. It was sick.

Kaneki saw the quinque start to move. Knowing what was coming, he covered Hinami’s eyes. She stifled a scream, and Kaneki wanted to scream too as he saw Ryoko-san murdered in front of them. He took a moment to look for any chance of her survival. There was none...

Kaneki picked up Hinami onto his back, and the girl cried softly onto his back. He took off jogging, lowering his umbrella to mostly cover up both his and Hinami’s faces.

He brought her back to Anteiku, and unlocked the shop and brought her upstairs. He had just finished putting her to bed, (They were hugging and crying together and she cried herself to sleep. It broke his heart to see her like that) and collapsed in the break room when his silenced phone vibrated. He picked it up. Yoshimura was calling him back.

Yoshimura showed up first, and then the others came as a group. They all sat in silent mourning, until Touka arrived. Now they all had to decide their plan of response.

\---

Touka seemed to be more easily aggravated than usual the next day. Kaneki didn’t know what was wrong with her. That is, until she crashed into him and he felt blood smear onto his clothes and hands.

“So she fought the Doves, did she?” Yoshimura asked once she had run off.

“Looks like it… Looks like her wound is taking a while to heal, too. Aren’t you going to help her?”

“We all agreed to not go after the Doves, but she choose to anyway. She’ll live or die on her own.”

“I’m sorry but I disagree with that. Touka-chan is my friend. I’m going to help her.”

“Very well. Do as you wish.”

Kaneki walked outside to the alleyway in the back of the shop.

“Touka-chan?”

“What do you want? Y’here to tell me that I shouldn’t have done what I did?”

“No.” Kaneki bent down, reaching for her injured arm but she pulled away. He settled for handing her the first aid kit, and letting her bandage her wound herself. “I don’t agree with you, but I don’t exactly disagree either.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don't know.” Kaneki muttered. “…I'm not sure  _what_  to do. I want to make a difference, but I don’t think revenge is the best option…”

“You’re weak.”

“I don’t think more killing will solve anything. It’ll just give them more reason to hunt us!”

“I don’t care if they hunt me! Or any ghouls like me! No one will care if a murderer like me dies! But when someone like Ryoko-san dies…” Touka trailed off, knowing that Kaneki would understand her point.

Kaneki blinked.  _That’s why she fights. Because she can._ ** _Because she cares._**

“Well, Touka-chan…  _I_   would care if you died.”

Touka gasped and looked up at him.

“I hope you get better, Touka-chan.” He added before he left and walked back into Anteiku.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: I went back and added some details to help the story flow a little better.


	2. Chapter 2

Ryouko's death was a hard thing to deal with. Kaneki hadn't lost a ghoul that close to him before. Everyone was torn up about it, but they had to move on and hide their grief in front of their customers.

On the news, the mother ghoul's death was advertised as a great thing despite her never killing a human, which of course was never mentioned. Hinami's wanted poster was also shown on the news. Thankfully they didn't have a picture or even a sketch of her. All they had was a few details and what outfit she had been wearing. But what bothered Kaneki most is how they treated her. They didn't treat her like a child or even a ghoul child. They treated her like a monster that chose the form of a human child to catch its prey. It was sick. Humans were awful.

"Are you alright, Kaneki?" Hide asked. They were sitting in Anteiku together. Kaneki's shift had just ended.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just zoning out…" 

Kaneki went to take a sip of his coffee, and realized that his knuckles were a pale white. He must have been squeezing the cup handle harder than he thought he was. Good thing he didn't shatter it. That would have been very hard to explain. He'd need to be more careful and watch his anger.

"Thinking about that Egg book?"

Wow, he was predictable. He actually _was_ thinking about Sen Takatsuki before the CCG came on the news. 

"Another book, actually. I took a break from reading The Black Goat's Egg and honestly forgot about it. Thanks for reminding me. I should finish it before I need to start it over again..."

"See, that's why I can't read books! They're so long and take forever to read!"

"And manga is short?" Kaneki gave him a look.

"That's different! Reading a single volume is a lot shorter than reading a single book."

"Okay, okay, fair enough."

Kaneki was grateful for Hide. Hide always brought human normalcy into his life. Kaneki needed cheering up and normalcy after everything that had happened. 

\---

_Poor Hinami-chan…_

Hinami had been in mourning since her mother died. It was only natural. Hinami was only 13. She lost her father and now her mother. Her entire life was going to be different now.

Everyone at Anteiku helped to take care of her and Yoshimura let her stay upstairs above Anteiku. Touka and Kaneki were the closest to the girl — they had been dubbed _onee-chan_ and _onii-chan_ by Hinami, after all — so the two of them did their best to act as her guardians.

“Have you seen Hinami-chan?” Touka asked.

“She was sleeping when I checked on her earlier. I didn’t want to wake her.” Kaneki replied.

Touka’s expression looked a little worried. “…She was sleeping when I checked on her earlier too.”

“Maybe she just didn’t get much sleep last night?” Kaneki suggested, but he was growing worried too. It would fine. Hinami was in Anteiku. Nothing bad could happen in here without them finding out. If anything, Hinami was probably just having a bad day where she didn’t want to talk to anyone!

“I’m going to check on her.” Touka said.

“Good idea. I’ll come too.” Kaneki knew it would be nothing, but he’d feel a lot better if he saw her himself.

Touka knocked and called her name, and then opened the door and stepped inside once there was no answer. Hinami was nowhere to be seen. Touka and Kaneki exchanged a panicked glance before they ran all over Anteiku, checking everywhere for the girl. Then they headed out to search the streets for her.

“Hurry up!” Touka yelled. She was several running paces ahead of Kaneki. Speed and stamina weren't his strong points. Strength, defense, and regeneration were, but they were useless right now.

“I… can’t go any… faster!” Kaneki said between huffs.

Touka groaned. “Then I’m going ahead!” She leapt up a building and was soon gone. She was fast and agile. Perks of being an Ukaku.

Kaneki felt awful. Hinami ran away and he was worried sick. He had been slowing Touka down. He was useless. He was slow and had a bad sense of smell. Touka was so much better equipped to find Hinami than he was.

 _Every little bit helps._ Kaneki thought, trying to get himself to think positively. _As slow as I am, Touka can’t be in two places at one. I’ve gotta try. Besides, it’s not like I could do anything else knowing she’s out there alone._

Kaneki skidded to a stop as he suddenly remembered. “The Manager! I’m such an idiot!” He pulled out his phone. “Yoshimura-san can contact everyone and we can get everyone searching for her!”

_Please pick up. Please pick up this time._

“Kaneki-kun?”

“Hinami-chan is missing. We don’t know where she went. Touka-chan and I are out searching.”

“Understood. I’ll contact everyone. Good luck.” Yoshimura hung up.

It felt like hours as Kaneki continued walking down the streets screaming Hinami’s name. She wasn’t from this ward so they didn’t have any leads on where she could have gone. All they could do was run and search until they found her.

Kaneki’s phone rang again and he picked up. It was Touka.

_Please tell me you found her._

“I found her!” Touka gasped happily.

“You did?! Thank goodness! Is she okay? Where are you?”

“She’s fine. We’re near Kasahara Elementary Sch-“

…It cut off.

Kaneki was happy and thankful that Hinami had been found. But he got a bad feeling about the phone cutting out. He’d better head there and make sure they were okay.

“The river near Kasahara Elementary School?!” A man’s voice yelled.

Kaneki’s blood ran cold.

“I’ll be right there!” He heard the man state.

Kaneki slowly looked to the source of the voice and saw an investigator. Kaneki started to panic. An investigator was headed toward Touka and Hinami! He couldn’t let the man reach there! He had to stop him!

Kaneki slipped a hand into the bag at his side and pulled out his mask and put it on. Then he jumped off the cliff and charged at the investigator, not caring about stealth.

The man stopped walking, and activated his quinque and turned to swing and block the incoming kagune.

_Okay, calm down, Kaneki. It’s just one investigator. You can take him. Just don’t kill him! Be careful. Distract him and don’t let him get away._

The strength behind the swing was powerful, and Kaneki was knocked back. His eyes widened behind his mask. This man was strong!

Kaneki kept trying to maneuver and _almost_ hit the man before pulling away. He wanted to try to just play with the man. Tire him out and not do any damage. But it wasn’t working. The man kept getting hits on Kaneki instead. Kaneki kept trying different tactics, but the man adjusted and continued to fight successfully. The hits hurt.

Kaneki was getting desperate. He might end up getting killed at this rate. That last hit had gotten him good. He was bleeding fairly badly now. He certainly couldn’t win if he continued to hold back like he was right now. It would still be a tough fight if he used all his strength. And he knew there was no chance of an investigator pitying him. There wasn’t any easy way out of this. He didn’t want to, but he might need to go all-out and kill this man.

Kaneki didn’t want to kill anyone. But he didn’t have a choice anymore. He had to protect Touka and Hinami.

_I’m sorry._

“I’ve always wanted to ask your kind…” The man begun.

_Huh? He's asking a question? He wants answers? He’s going to ask me about ghouls? He’s… He’s willing to **listen and learn**? _

This was their chance! He could speak on behalf of the peaceful ghouls! Maybe he could make this man understand!

Kaneki listened as the man ranted about how ghouls hunted “as they desired” and left many children without families. Then he started talking about a ghoul named Rabbit — which Kaneki knew to be Touka’s alias — and how she killed an investigator. Kaneki knew she had gone to seek revenge and came back with a quinque injury. He heard about the investigator’s death on the news the next day and put together the pieces.

“Why was he killed?” The man asked after he called the deceased investigator a colleague. “Because he was an investigator? Because he was human? Why?! What possible reason was there for him to be killed?”

Humans lived in ignorance. Kaneki wouldn’t be surprised if the man Touka killed hadn’t even known that he did anything wrong.

“This world is wrong!!! And it’s you monsters who are distorting it!” The investigator yelled.

 _Us?_ Kaneki asked bitterly. _Ironic coming from the ones who killed an innocent mother who hadn’t committed a crime in her life and from the man currently hunting down her daughter._

But this man — this investigator — still seemed willing to listen. Kaneki had to choose his words carefully.

“It may be true that some ghouls kill. But the ones that do it excessively are rare. And the ones that do kill, they kill to live and eat. And most of us? We don’t want to hurt anyone. I know _I_ don’t. You treat us like mindless, ravenous monsters that kill without regard for anyone. But we feel and think and cry and love just like you do. Our diets don’t give us the luxury of living a moral life like you humans do. I will admit that I have killed. I won't deny it. But I do my best to find other ways to eat, without hurting anyone.”

“Eat without hurting anyone? That’s impossible!” The man was scowling at him.

“It’s true!”

“Then how?”

“…I can’t say.”

“And why not?”

“Because if you know, we risk the CCG taking advantage of it to capture us. I can’t risk myself or the many other ghouls who eat without killing or hurting anyone.”

“You have no proof and you are on record for killing humans.” The investigator said. “Predator and prey cannot get along. Ghouls need to go extinct.” The man tightened his grip on his quinque.

_Fine. Then I’ll just have to prove it._ _I was getting hungry anyway…_

Kaneki dashed toward the man. He saw a swing incoming and dodged it. And then Kaneki leapt, grabbing ahold of the man. Before he could be thrown off, he pulled his mask out of the way and bit the man, swallowing what he took.

He was promptly thrown off, and Kaneki managed to catch himself before he fell onto the concrete. He licked the blood off his lips and adjusted his mask. It had been a while since he had fresh meat. It tasted so much better than what he usually got from Anteiku. But Kaneki didn’t allow himself to get selfish and hunt for fresh food every month. He didn’t hunt unless he had no choice but to. It wasn’t right, even if his biology demanded human meat to survive.

With a newfound power-boost from even that single bit, Kaneki charged at the man again. He could feel his wounds sealing and healing. The man held up his quinque to block Kaneki, but winced when he moved his arm. Taking advantage of the weakness, Kaneki used all his strength and broke the quinque. The man gasped and threw his broken quinque to the side. He put up his fists, ready to fight to his death.

Kaneki stood tall and slowly approached him. He made sure to speak respectfully. “I’m not going to fight you or bite you any further. I don’t want to kill you, just as I’ve said. You listened and talked to me, and I appreciate that. Your weapon is broken. Please retreat.”

The man’s eyes widened. Kaneki watched and waited for him to make a decision. He hoped this man would take his offer.

The man finally nodded and then started backing up. Kaneki let him go. The man took his damaged quinque, and then left. He often looked back behind him to make sure Kaneki was not following him. Eventually he was gone.

Kaneki heard shoes tapping against the ground behind him, the pace somewhere between walking and running. He turned to see Yomo hurrying his way.

“Y-Yomo-san!” Kaneki exclaimed once he took his mask off. Yomo took his off as well.

“Ken.” Yomo greeted. “I saw your fight.”

“Y-you did?”

“I’m impressed. You fought well. I’m proud. You didn’t kill him either. I’m glad the fight was resolved peacefully.”

“Thank you.”

“Now we need to get back to finding Hinami.”

“Right! Touka-chan found her! Do you know where the Kasahara Elementary School is?”

Yomo nodded. “I do. Follow me.”

Kaneki followed Yomo, and the two of them ended up finding Touka with Hinami. Touka seemed to be injured pretty badly and Hinami seemed shaken up but otherwise physically fine. Kaneki noted that her clothes had holes from a kagune. Had she needed to fight too? What exactly happened?

“Touka-chan! Are you okay?” Kaneki ran up to Touka and went to look at her wound.

“I’m fine,” She gently pushed him away from her, “but…” Touka glanced behind herself.

 

“I’ll take care of it.” Yomo headed further back under the bridge. There was a dead human body lying in the water.

Kaneki recognized the corpse’s face. It was the sadistic man who killed Ryoko with the quinque made from her husband. Kaneki was glad he was dead.

Touka suddenly hissed in pain, and Kaneki redirected his attention back to her.

"You're 'fine'? You got stabbed in the stomach, Touka-chan! It took you a few days to recover from a quinque slice on your arm!"

"Shh!" Yomo suddenly called out. “Someone’s headed this way. We don’t have time to move the Dove's body. Let’s go.” He picked up Hinami and quickly headed off.

“Come on, Touka-chan!” Kaneki said, grabbing her arm and throwing it over his shoulder to support her.

Touka let out a defeated sigh and leaned on him as they followed Yomo.

They walked in silence for a while. Then Hinami asked...

“Is it really okay? For me to be alive?”

Kaneki expected Touka to jump in and tell Hinami that of course it was okay if she lived. Everyone deserved to live and especially a girl as sweet as Hinami. But Touka's expression grew dark and she didn't say a word. 

“I think…” Kaneki answered slowly. “that’s what your mother was trying to tell you back then. To live.”

Hinami and Touka both gasped. They heard Hinami let out a soft whine. It sounded like she was trying not to cry. No one said anything else.

Kaneki glanced at Touka again. She seemed to be deep in thought. Her expression seemed a little sad. What exactly happened in that river?

At least Hinami was safe and they were all alive. That’s all that mattered right now.

_This world is wrong._

Kaneki thought about that man’s words and speech. He wasn’t all wrong. The world had many issues.

Things had to change. Kaneki wanted to fix it. Although Kaneki didn’t put _too_ much confidence in it, that man _had_ given Kaneki some hope. An investigator willingly took the words of a ghoul and retreated. He had wanted to understand even if he refused to accept what Kaneki told him. Hopefully one day things would be different.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be talking about the ghoul restaurant and following manga-canon here, so please read cautiously if that subject made you uncomfortable. There's also a brief mention of sexual harassment. It's simply stated once, not detailed, and there's no further mention of it.

"I said I don't know!" Kaneki groaned, laying his head on the bar counter. The cool surface felt good against his face.

Yomo had told Kaneki to come to Itori's bar. She wanted to talk to him straight away about something, but Yomo hadn't know what it would be about. Once there at her bar, he took a seat and she immediately began heavily questioning him about Rize. He kept trying to ask why she cared, but she never gave him straight answers. She kept asking her own questions about Rize instead, but Kaneki didn’t know much about her. He didn't have too many answers for Itori, and they ended up getting frustrated with each other.

Kaneki finally had enough of her questions. He picked his head off the counter and sighed. “I’m going home now, Itori-san…”

“Wait! Could you do a little job for me?”

“Nope.” Kaneki quickly said. He knew better than to get involved with Itori. He knew what kinds of things she dealt with and got into, and he wanted no connection to it.

“Aww, please~? I’ll tell you what I find out about Rize-san~! Guess what!" Itori let out a fake gasp and continued in a scandalized voice. "I heard those steel bars were dropped on her  _on purpose_!”

“Don’t care.” Kaneki stated.

Itori blinked. “…Really?”

Kaneki shrugged. “I hated her. It’s not too surprising that someone else wanted to murder her. And I’m a nobody so it makes sense if it didn’t matter if I was almost killed along with her.”

Itori pouted.  _Well, that's dark Kanekichi..._  “Okay fine. Do you want to know  _anything_?”

He knew he shouldn’t, but Kaneki thought about it.  _Did_  he want to know anything…?

“…How much do you know about the CCG?” He asked.

“I knew there was something!” Itori laughed. “The CCG is a popular and large topic! What specifically do you want to know?”

“Are there any ghoul sympathizers in the CCG? Or… You heard about my encounter with that Dove, right? Can you find out his name or information on him?”

“I’ll do some digging around just for you! … _If~_  you do a job for me!”

“What is it?” Kaneki asked.  _It can’t hurt to just ask._

“Tsukiyama likes you, doesn’t he?”

Kaneki didn’t like where this was going. “…Why do you ask?”

“I’ve got some clients that want to know how to get into the ghoul restaurant. I know he’s a member. I want you to find out how you get in.”

“Sorry, but that’s not something I’m willing to do. Can't you ask him yourself?”

“Please, Kanekichi~?”

“I’m leaving now. Bye, Itori-san.”

Kaneki bitterly walked back home. He just wasted hours of his time and traveled to the 14th ward. And Itori had blamed  _him_ for wasting  _her_  time!

 _Maybe we wouldn’t have wasted each other’s time if you just asked me yourself._  Kaneki thought as he walked.  _Maybe a simple, ‘Hey Kaneki! I heard you fought Rize! If you know anything about her, hit me up!’ Not being cryptic and mysterious and sending Yomo-san to fetch me!_

He ended up passing an alley with a small gang of ghouls hunting. It was none of his business, so he kept walking. Until he heard them relentlessly beating their prey up.

“Alright, guys, isn’t that a little much? Just put him out of his misery!” Kaneki said, walking down the alley. He hated ghouls that played with their food.

“This guy is ours, alright? It’s not every day you find a weak ghoul struggling to hunt!”

Hold on... Ghoul?! So these guys were cannibals? He hated cannibals as well. Two birds, one stone then, huh?

“Let him go, or we’re gonna have a problem.” Kaneki growled. He wouldn’t let them get away with this.

“Kaneki…” A soft voice whispered hoarsely. “Ken…”

“He a friend of yours or something?” The cannibal ghoul asked. 

Kaneki froze. The ghoul being beaten mercilessly was Nishiki Nishio! So he somehow managed to survive, huh?

Kaneki wanted to walk away. He knew he should. Just walk away and let these ghouls kill the person who almost murdered him and his friend.

But, well… It was either Nishiki survived, or a gang of sadistic, cannibalistic ghouls did. And Kaneki wasn’t going to give the gang more reason to prey on weak people and have fun torturing them.

\---

“I can’t believe I’m saving you…” Kaneki muttered.

“Same here. You shoulda just let me die. I’ll kill you once I get my strength back.”

“Just shut up.”

Nishiki was heavy. Kaneki was exhausted by the time he got Nishiki to his apartment.

“You got any coffee here?” Kaneki smiled. Saving a life in return for just a coffee. Nishiki should take that offer.

He saw a sudden flash of light out of his peripheral, and jumped back at the last second. Someone tried to taser him!!!

“You! Are you the narcissist?!” His attacker was a young woman.

“H-huh?” Kaneki asked.

“Kimi. It’s not him. He saved me. Let him go.” Nishiki said.

The girl sighed in relief upon hearing he wasn’t a threat and rushed over to Nishiki’s side. She checked his wounds and chided him for leaving while injured. She stroked his hair to help him relax. She must be his girlfriend.

But she was… human. And she knew he was a ghoul?

“Narcissist? You mean Tsukiyama?” Kaneki asked, cocking his head.

“Who else would I be talking about? That freak has been hanging about Kamii lately.”

“Well, thanks for the warning.”

“Tch.”

Well, Nishiki was home and had Kimi to take care of him from now on. Kaneki’s work here was done. He turned and left. He made it outside the apartment building when he heard someone calling him.

“Ah, wait! Excuse me!”

Kaneki turned around to see Kimi running toward him. 

“Yes?”

 “You’re a ghoul, aren’t you?”

“…Huh?!”

“Nishiki told me. It’s Kaneki-kun, right?”

Kaneki nodded. She suddenly grabbed his hands in hers and squeezed.

“You’re not going to tell anyone about us, right?!” She begged.

Kaneki blinked. “Eh? W-why would I? Like you just said, I’m a ghoul too!”

“Thank you! I’m just new to all this.”

“You’re human, right?”

She nodded. “Yeah…”

“And you’re okay with Nishiki being a ghoul? You should know he hunts and eats humans.”

“…He needs to in order to survive, doesn’t he? I guess if he doesn’t hurt anyone I care about, then I can turn a blind eye to it. I was only born a human by chance, after all. If I had been born a ghoul, then I’m sure I would have killed people too. I only live a moral life because I was born a human.”

“I’m surprised you feel that way, but it makes sense.”

“Thank you for saving Nishiki.”

“You’re welcome. I’ve got to go now. Um, you’re not going to tell anyone about me either, right?”

Kimi quickly shook her head.

“Thanks, Kimi-san. See you around.”

Kaneki walked away, thinking about the strange woman. She accepted Nishiki.  _Nishiki_  of all people! She also seemed to understand ghouls. She was nice. Her and Nishiki were still dating. It gave him hope. Maybe peace really was possible!

Kaneki headed to Anteiku and started his shift. Itori had made him miss an hour or two that he'd need to make up later. About an hour in to his shift, and Anteiku got a customer they hadn’t seen in a while.

“Tsukiyama? What are you doing here?” Touka deadpanned.

Kaneki flinched when he heard that name, and he quickly ran for cover and hid from the man. Tsukiyama was a cannibal and Kaneki had been his target for many years now.

“Is that anyway to talk to your customers?” Tsukiyama asked.

“Are you going to buy something?” Touka countered.

“I haven’t decided yet.”

Touka rolled her eyes. “Get out.”

“Is Kaneki-kun working here today?”

Kaneki’s heart rate increased. Tsukiyama was looking for him?! Of course he was... He knew Kaneki worked here. He hoped Tsukiyama wouldn’t realize he was hiding from him.

“I said get out.”

“Okay, fine. I just came to say hello. Is Yoshimura-san here?”

_Ugh. Why am I considering… Should I do it?_

“Not at the moment.”

“Alright, I’ll have to come back another time then. Goodbye!”

“Wait!” Kaneki cried out.

“Kaneki? What are you doing?!” Touka asked. She knew about Tsukiyama’s obsession and she often covered for Kaneki and did her best to keep Tsukiyama away from him. She couldn’t really do that when Kaneki was practically giving himself up.

“You were looking for me too? Did you want something?” Kaneki asked innocently and put a hand on his chin. He pretended to have just entered the room.  _I hope I don’t regret this. But Itori-san wanted information, and I think I can do this. It’ll just be one date._

“Ah, Kaneki-kun! You’re looking well today!” Tsukiyama greeted.

“Really? I’m kind of tired. I haven’t had my coffee yet today.” More lies. He hoped Tsukiyama took the bait and that it wasn’t too obvious.

“Kaneki…” Touka said in a warning tone. She seemed to be saying,  _Keep talking and I can’t protect you_.

“Really? It’s been a while since I’ve had one! Would you like to have one with me?” Tsukiyama offered.

_Perfect! Play it cool!_

“I guess it couldn’t hurt. You’ve read Sen Takatsuki, haven’t you?”

“I have!”

Touka glared at both of them. “Alright, sit down and I’ll serve you.”

“Um, we can go somewhere else if you want.” Kaneki suggested to Tsukiyama. He wanted to go somewhere a little more private. A place without anyone with good hearing. He knew Touka wouldn't approve of either the ghoul restaurant or Kaneki doing Itori's dirty work. He didn't need Touka interrupting and ruining his plan.

“How kind of you! I’m honored! I’ll take you to a great café! My treat!”

“Kaneki! You’re  _working_!” Touka exclaimed.

“Can you cover for me just for today? I’ll cover you another day to make up for it!”

Touka stared at him, silently begging him for answers.

 _I’ll tell you later._  He tried to get through with his expression.

Touka sighed. “Alright. Have fun.” She held back a gag.

\---

Tsukiyama took him to a small café. They ordered coffee, but it didn’t taste like anything special.

“It’s not as great at Anteiku’s, but no shops will ever beat Anteiku.” Tsukiyama explained. He must have noticed Kaneki's disappointed expression after his first sip.

“What makes this place so great then?” Kaneki asked. Since he had his expectations up, this coffee tasted awful.

“Sen Takatsuki makes appearances here often. You might catch her here.”

“Really?!” Kaneki cried.  _How did I not know that?!_

Him and Tsukiyama changed the subject to Takatsuki and her novels. They talked for what felt like hours, and Kaneki was actually having a great time. Tsukiyama acted so normal and charming. Had he and Touka been wrong? Was he over wanting to eat Kaneki? Did Tsukiyama actually like him? Because this felt like a real date.

Kaneki had ended up completely forgetting the reason why he tricked Tsukiyama into asking him out, until Tsukiyama was walking him back to Anteiku. Kaneki had stopped and stood in place. He couldn’t believe it. He was… actually falling in love with Tsukiyama! How did that happen?!

“Kaneki-kun? Is everything okay?” Tsukiyama asked, looking back at him.

 _Tsukiyama likes you, doesn’t he?_ Kaneki remembered.

“I’m kind of getting hungry…” Kaneki lied. He couldn’t forget the reason why he went on this date in the first place.

“Really? Well, I know a secret ghoul restaurant!” Tsukiyama sounded excited to share this information with him.

“A restaurant? Like what humans go to?” Kaneki asked, faking interest and playing dumb. “Tell me more…”

\---

 _“Kaneki-kun!_ ** _Bon_** _ **appetite**_ _!”_   Tsukiyama suddenly pounced at him and chomped.

Kaneki screamed and sat up.

_It was just a dream._

He looked at the clock. 3:09am.

Kaneki groaned. He had been having trouble falling asleep, and once he finally did, he had a nightmare.

He lied back down in bed. His mind wandered back to today’s evening.

He and Tsukiyama had been split up once they reached the ghoul restaurant. The workers had him do strange things. He was told to shower and he was given a suit to wear. Kaneki didn’t think  _too_  strangely of it. It was Tsukiyama, after all. But then things got even weirder. There were no windows. Well, it was a ghoul restaurant so it wasn’t  _that_  strange to have no ways to peek in, right? And then he ended up seated with humans. With his bad sense of smell and growing anxiety keeping his mind busy, it took him a little longer than it probably should have to notice. But by that point he knew something was definitely wrong. He rushed to leave but the door was locked.

And then everything went terribly...

It was revealed that the two humans he was trapped with were the dinner. They had been tricked by ghouls to come here. It was sick and awful and he felt bad for them. And then Tsukiyama announced the main course.

Him.

Tsukiyama was going to have a restaurant full of ghouls cannibalize him.

Kaneki had gone on this date prepared to deal with Tsukiyama attacking him at some point tonight. That was a given considering their history. Tsukiyama had been interested in him since they met. But an  _entire restaurant?_  Full of sick, twisted ghouls with their faces hidden behind masks? Kaneki almost started hyperventilating right then and there.

But then the show began, a scrapper entered, and he started running for his life.

The human man was caught quickly and killed first. Kaneki offered to protect the terrified human woman, and then she kicked him towards the scrapper to save her own skin! The scrapper ignored Kaneki and went to kill the woman before Kaneki.

Once that was done the gigantic scrapper came after him. Kaneki was about to fight back, but his body wasn’t doing what he wanted it to do. Moving was difficult. He had been drugged!

Kaneki was captured by the scrapper and the scrapper tried to tear him apart, but was unable to do it with normal weapons. Kaneki thought he was safe and tried to calm down. And then a quinque was brought out to the scrapper. He was about to cut up into little bits when the scrapper was suddenly killed and torn apart, and a blood-coated Tsukiyama covered Kaneki’s field of vision. Kaneki thought he was still going to die.

Then Tsukiyama leaned in, and whispered that this was just a  _joke_. He wanted Kaneki to  _put on a show_. He offered Kaneki food: his pick of the two humans or the scrapper.

Kaneki had looked around the large, open room and saw the masked ghouls looking at him and Tsukiyama disapprovingly and with disgust. He guessed that they hadn’t become members to cannibalize and weren’t too happy with Tsukiyama. Kaneki knew Tsukiyama was lying and had truly planned on eating him. He wasn’t dumb.

Kaneki excused himself and asked for the location of the bathroom, and Tsukiyama surprisingly let him go. Kaneki then asked other members for the exit, and he eventually found it and went straight home. He was paranoid the entire time of Tsukiyama or another ghoul following him.

And so here he was now. He had been haunted by that experience for the rest of the evening and night.

Kaneki hadn't had nightmares this bad since he was a young teenager that had just fully entered the ghoul world. His mother had died a few years previously, and his aunt was no longer giving him enough food. He was always hungry. Hide had tried to give him food, but the human food did nothing to satisfy Kaneki's hunger.

Not knowing what else to do, and unwilling to hurt anybody, Kaneki had started wandered daily in search of a friendly ghoul to help him. Previously he avoided anyone with the scent of a ghoul. As he politely asked ghouls for help, he got attacked and chased and threatened to be eaten often. He had nightmares for months. Gorey nightmares where he wasn't able to get away, and he even woke up crying once they were so bad.

Kaneki sighed. He looked at the clock. 3:39am. He groaned again. He still couldn’t fall asleep.

\---

Kaneki sat up in bed wide awake and alert when he felt something hit him.

Touka was staring at him. He screamed.

"TOUKA-CHAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

"You're in Anteiku, idiot."

Kaneki glanced around. She was right. He forgot that in his desperation for sleep last night, he had gone all the way to Anteiku and crashed on the couch.

Hinami was now staying with Touka so the place was empty. He just couldn't sleep at home and had hoped that Anteiku would help. And it apparently did. Kaneki didn't have any nightmares. He couldn't explain it but Anteiku was very hospitable and calming.

"Hurry and get up. Don't wanna miss your date."

Kaneki sucked in a breath. "Tsukiyama's here?!"

"No!" Touka quickly snapped, rolling her eyes. "With  _Hide!_  You said you were going out with him today right?"

"I forgot about that!" Kaneki exclaimed. "Thank you for reminding me, Touka-chan!"

The past month so much had happened. He fought Rize and got heavily wounded, was starving for a while, and then Ryoko died, and lately he had been changing his schedule around to make time to take care of Hinami. He did anything he could to help her recover and cheer her up. He hadn't properly hung out with Hide almost all month long. He felt bad, so he invited Hide to his favorite restaurant today. Kaneki said it was his favorite too, but of course he couldn't really eat anything. Humans seemed to bond over dinner, so that was Kaneki’s goal.

But then Itori and Tsukiyama happened yesterday, and in the chaos Kaneki had completely forgotten his plans.

Kaneki stood up and headed to the bathroom to get ready for the day. Last night he had grabbed a change of clothes so he wouldn’t need to head all the way back home in the morning.

He only made it a few feet before he looked back at Touka.

"...It's not really a date." Kaneki said awkwardly. It was just time to hang out with Hide.

"I know it isn’t. I was kidding." Touka laughed. Then she straightened up as she realized that… "...Are you blushing?! Do you like him?!"

"No." Kaneki lied. It was pointless though, the blush was proof enough.

"Whoa! How did I not realize this before?! It all makes sense now!"

"Touka-chan!!!" Kaneki whined. He felt like he was blushing even harder now.

"That's so cute, Kaneki! You should ask him out!"

"I-I can't! I doubt he likes me back! Besides! I already have trouble as it is hiding ghoul stuff from him! Can you imagine if we were dating?!"

Touka frowned. "I'm sorry."

Touka was really good at blending in as a human. She worked so hard in her studies and did so much for her friend Yoriko. Kaneki didn't know how she did it. She must have had a lot of determination and love for people. Kaneki looked up to her a lot. Touka could easily start a relationship with a human if she wanted to. She would be able to keep up with it and pretend to be human and keep her secret safe. 

Kaneki, however, barely managed. He relied a lot on being an introvert to avoid suspicion.  Kaneki knew he wouldn't be able to keep up a human relationship without his secret being revealed early on. That didn't stop him from having crushes on humans, of course, but it  _was_  the cause of him never going on a date before Rize. (Did Rize even count?) Kaneki could go on dates with ghouls, but there weren't many around his age group. And the ones that were, he didn't really like for many different reasons. Touka was the only ghoul his age he got along with. He wasn't sure if he liked her romantically or not. She was cute and nice and he would probably go on a date with her if she asked him out. But he had a feeling their personalities would clash, and they'd have lots of fights, and he worried about losing her friendship. She and Hide were all he had. He felt similarly about starting a relationship with Hide as he did with Touka. He loved Hide but he didn't want to risk losing both his best friend and his secret.

 ---

“Do you remember how we met?” Kaneki asked. He and Touka were taking today's first shift and they were setting up Anteiku's counter. They would be unlocking the doors shortly.

“Yeah, of course. What made you think about that?” Touka replied.

Kaneki shrugged. “Just thinking about the past.”

Touka smiled fondly. “For a while I acted like you were a replacement for my brother.”

“I thought you were making fun of me by babying me.”

Touka laughed. “That’s something I’d do. But no, I  _actually_  thought you were younger than me.”

It had been one of the days that Kaneki was searching for ghouls to help him with food. He recognized Touka’s scent as a ghoul and wanted to talk to her. He previously had all-bad experiences with ghouls so he just followed her around a few blocks debating whether he should actually talk to her or not.

And then she started getting harassed by a drunk man. Kaneki was about to intervene when she did first, killing the man. Kaneki was about to run away, fearing she would attack him too despite him not doing anything to provoke her. Instead she asked if he wanted any of the meat, and Kaneki accepted. He ate like he was starving, which he had been, and Touka asked why. He had explained himself to her, and she got mad at his aunt and took him to talk to Yoshimura. Yoshimura told him about Anteiku, and how they were against killing humans and collected bodies of suicides to eat instead.

Kaneki started a small part-time job in Anteiku as a bust-boy. Yoshimura taught him how to make coffee. Touka and Yomo taught him to train and protect himself. Kaneki also learned from Koma and Irimi about how well Touka blended in as human. He looked up to her. He had never before met another ghoul that went to school with humans and  _liked_  them.

When Touka and Yomo trained Kaneki, they always went too hard on him. Touka easily got annoyed with Kaneki’s naivety and at times Kaneki was convinced that she hated him. But other times, she was extremely sweet to Kaneki. She babied him a lot. He couldn’t understand why. Sure, he’d admit that he didn’t know many things and he felt bad for needing to ask questions that every other ghoul seemed to know. It had to be because she hated him. She had to be making fun of him.

He finally found out the truth. A few months after he joined Anteiku, Koma casually asked him how old he was. He said he was 16. Touka was very surprised and accused him of lying. He said he never  _lied_ about it; he simply never told her his age because no one ever asked. Turns out, Touka had thought he was 13! Kaneki was pretty insulted that she thought he was so young.

Touka’s babying stopped after that, and his relationship with Touka seemed more on equal ground from then-on. Months passed and Touka eventually confessed one night that her younger brother had left her and left the 20th ward not too long before Kaneki began working in Anteiku. She said she assumed Kaneki was Ayato’s age because of how naive he was and how little he knew. She wanted to take Kaneki under her wing. She wanted to protect him and make sure he didn’t leave or turn bitter at the world like her brother had. That had been the first time Touka opened up with Kaneki like that. He had opened up about his past to return the favor. He told her things about his and his family’s ghoul life he wasn’t able to tell Hide. The two of them became really close friends after that and they had been ever since.

"Thank you for helping me back then..." Kaneki said softly. “You didn’t need to be friends with me. You could have befriended stronger and cooler ghouls. You and everyone else… gave me a home here.”

"Don't get all sappy on me. You wanted us to help you and we did. It's what Anteiku was made for. There's no thanks necessary."

"I'm just… honestly grateful I met you. I don’t say it enough but I love you, Touka-chan.”

"I'm glad I met you too. We're partners in crime." Touka smirked. “And I love you too, nerd.”

Kaneki hugged her, and he honestly wasn’t sure if she would hug him back or shove him away from her. She tensed at the contact, but then giggled and hugged him back.

“Come on.” Touka said after a few moments. She gently pulled away. “It’s time to open up.”


End file.
